The Life and Times of Jessica Elizabeth

THE ALPHABET FOR LOVERS

The cards are quite sturdy, they are plasticy, though I recommend not spilling anything on them LOL I’ve had them in my purse for 2 weeks now, and even under books, thrown on counters and in cabinets the cards have withstood it all!

One side has one of Orna’s drawings on them and a number (the number of the card — there is a corresponding interpretation in the booklet).  The opposite side has the number again, the Hebrew word for the number and a short phrase in both Hebrew and English.

The cards can be used in a number of ways.  You can shake the bag and draw a single random card for yourself or a friend.  You can choose one or several cards to find an answer to a specific love/relationship related question.  You can also do an actual reading with a “spread” of cards (think tarot spreads) for yourself or a friend.

The interpretation booklet has 4 paragraphs for each card.  The first is a description of the card and of the artwork on each card.  It then has 3 more sections; an interpretation of the card if you’re single, an interpretation of a personality, such as someone to look out for, personality traits needed in the relationship, etc and an interpretation of advice, if you were to pick this card and ask for advice this is the interpretation that would pertain to you.  

And I already have 2 things done from my list for next week! :D  My FAFSA is complete! WOOT WOOT!

Just applied for the school I work at!!  Going to FAFSA now. 

Am proud of myself for getting this started now.

Yea.  It’s been a long time.  Sorry.  More sorry to myself than anyone else as I blog for me and me alone.  I have a lot to say but not much of it is in the fore-front of my mind right now.  I just had some alone time, and nothing to do (well, plenty to do but nothing I’m doing this early on a Sunday morning :P ) so while I’m enjoying some Metal Mania on VH1 Classic I figured I’d put some thoughts down on paper, so-to-speak.

The biggest thing going on right now is that I have decided to … while not halt my job hunt, but to take it down a notch.  I’ll keep my eyes peeled, but for the most part, the job I have works very well for me right now.  I came *this close* to getting a full time job, and with it I’d have a lot more money, but I’d have a lot less free time, and that free time I cherish.  So, I’m going to keep looking just in case *the one* comes around, but I’m working on some alternative sources of income, which will help fill the gap from working (mostly) part time.

Aside from that next week I’m on Spring Break. (I work at a community college.)  And I’m making myself a decent to-do list, and I’m literally going to be writing it down so I can have the enjoyment of crossing things off the list.  To help this along I’m going to start that list right here and now!

• Apply for school at the college I work at.
• Fill out and submit FAFSA.
• Clean dining room.
• (after dining room is clean) bring down purple dresser
• Clean off devotional altar.
• Write book.

So, I’ve decided that next semester (fall semester) I want to take maybe 2 classes at the school I work at.  I figure … why not???  1 - We could use the financial aid overages I’d get and 2 - I want to.

My dining room is disgusting (not really; it’s messy rather than “dirty) and it’s mostly my stuff.  The whole purple dresser thing is that I store my work clothes downstairs ‘cuz that way I can get my stuff without bumping around the bedroom and waking up the boyfriend at oh-dark-30 am.  My devotional altar is in the dining room and; as many altars tend to do; it has collected many things which really don’t belong there.

As for my book; I lost it when my computer died earlier this year/late last year. I’ve finally mourned the loss of my book and have decided to write it again.  However, instead of going forth with a whole entire book, I’ve decided to write it in chapters; then just publish the chapter in e-book format.  Once all them are written I’m going to put them together and publish a “collection” style book.  This way I can focus on only one subject and not get overwhelmed.  

Health wise I’m doing alright.  I’ve been trying to go forth with a hysterectomy (cervical cancer) but there’s been so many roadblocks in my way that I’m just going to back off on this path for a while.  

I’ve lost more size, but the last 3 weeks or so I’ve been having difficulty with how much junk I’ve been eating.  There’s been a lot of stressors; that’s my only concession to it.  The last 2 days (Today is Sunday, so Friday and Saturday) I ate way too much junk and last night could feel my body going “Okay, we’re done.”  I felt like a fucking grease pot.  Ugh.  The kicker of it?  I still ate less junk than I used to, so it’s like….. gods what have I done to my body???

I think that’s a lot of what I’m stuck on right now.  I look back at how I ate, how I didn’t exercise, things like that and then I see where I am now.  And while some of that truly is genetics, the majority of it I did to myself.  I could blame my parents for not encouraging me.  I truly can place some blame in the fact I was always forced to clean my plate and not taught how to choose portions; I have serious issues leaving left overs on my plate now.  Even as a baby I was forced to finish my bottles.  However as I got older I could have tried harder; I could have researched nutrition, sought help from my doctors, things like that.  But I didn’t.

Eventually I started and got a bit better.  When I was diagnosed with high blood pressure and high bad cholesterol and low good cholesterol at age 25, that sorta shook me.  So I took care of that.  For the most part my blood pressure is fine as is my cholesterol.  I’ve lost about 30 lbs and I’m much more active. 

But then, a set of several days within a few weeks happens like these last couple, and I think to myself … this year I was diagnosed with NASH.  (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-alcoholic_steatohepatitis — obviously; not being a heavy drinker it’s ‘cuz of my poor diet)  And I’m only 30!!  What. The. Fuck.

Something to help me is that I’ve been working on keeping a daily routine.  It’s been easier on days I work ‘cuz then I really have a true routine; on days I don’t work I really don’t have a routine so it’s harder to start one.  But I’ve been getting better about it.  I’ve been stretching in the mornings and evenings and that’s been helping my back a lot.  I’ve also been trying to sit in the hot tub more, which has been fun and relaxing, and my body has been enjoying it.

The kicker of it is… I was never *that* heavy.  It’s frustrating ‘cuz I’ve seen/known/heard about/talked to/etc people who were way heavier than I ever was and they had no medical problems.  They were just … incredibly, horribly overweight.  And here I am, taking measures to improve my health, loosing weight, loosing size, noticing differences and I get told by my physician “You have NASH.”  He actually said hepatitis (which is what NASH is; a type of hepatitis), which really made it that much worse.  And it’s like … Seriously???

I admit that for that first week (about 3 weeks ago) when it all hit me, I’m like “Why bother??”  If I can spend all this time trying to turn my life around and then I get hit with this, after the cancer, after loosing 30 fucking pounds, after getting so much healthier and happier, than why bother? Part of it is that I think my age has really hit me; I’m 30 now, and am still struggling with so much.  I see so many high school classmates of mine (Thank You Facebook) and they’re so successful, they have families, success, health, and all that and here I am.  What do I have?  A cervix so mutilated that sex and tampons are always painful now, NASH, chronic pain….

All these thoughts were going through my mind and so I think that’s why it was so easy to eat so crappy these last couple weeks.  Part of me does it I think to remind myself how crappy I feel when I eat so bad.  However, this past weeks were going too far.  

I actually know quite a bit about nutrition, it’s just all random shit.  One class I for sure will be taking when I go back to school will be nutrition.  I just looked at the online courses and there’s two really good nutrition classes on option.  Plus, there’s a fitness instructor certificate option (two options; a certificate of achievement and a certificate of proficiency — no idea what the difference is LOL Just a couple of classes it looks like.)  and … well, I really want to do something in health/nutrition.  I so understand, you know??   

Maybe I could go for that?